Struggles as a Mom

You commonly read that mothers tend to feel guilty and struggle more (than fathers). I guess it is fair to say that my heart does not tug as hard as compared to hubby when it comes to our children. However, that does not mean I love them less. It is humbling and sad when I see my kids choosing to go to their father instead of me when they see both of us together, or they rejoiced and ran towards the door upon seeing daddy returned home, whereas for mummy, it was a mere look that suggested acknowledgement from where they were playing. I guess perhaps I have not been as participative in their basic caregiving and spending time with them. Given that I am more task-oriented, I tend to take on the cleaning aspects while I let hubby take on tasks like showering the kids. There had been times I told hubby that I want to shower the kids but more often than not, after the bath, I ended up having to do double work i.e. clean up the kids' dinner aftermath, as hubby had unintentionally left some dirt unclean. Thankfully, an opportunity arose for me to build up my intimacy with my son. It came in the guise of a bad news – my boy is required to attend extra classes due to his slow development. A senior pediatrician from a local children hospital has recommended early intervention classes for him. I agree that intervention is more effective at this age. He is already 3 years old. Upon attaining 5 or 6 years of age, children's brains are quite formed and developed, which means it will be a lot harder (and late) for them to acquire new learning and catch up (on developments they should had attained when they were younger). Yes, it does require some sacrifices. Though I may not enjoy my current job scope as much as my previous ones (which were more 'adventurous'), I thank God that I get to work part-time so that I can have some sanity while balancing work with household demands. However, I have opted for an early intervention programme which will require my presence during my son's classes. Being with him will make a difference for him. I will also get to learn the useful tips, as well as impart the lessons to hubby when back home. My participation will definitely affect my current work schedule. Am not certain what is ahead but if it requires me to give up working during this period, I think it is a worthwhile choice, for I know I can never earn this period back. I do not want to look back in regret, if my boy's slow development hindered him from entering main stream school at the standard age for children his age. I am positive that with more time spent with him, it will foster our bonding. I am already seeing it! Yesterday, I fetched him to and fro his childcare centre for an assessment test at the hospital. When my husband and I fetched him (and his sister) from the childcare centre at the end of the day, instead of bypassing me to run towards his daddy, he ran towards me to hug me! :D While it is common that my son relegate me to second-class whenever his father is around, I think I can work towards having equal footing, if not, better footing, with my son. 