I didn't know that I have lost my sense of smell until towards hospital discharge when doc tested me.
Still remember during hospital intake, I replied the consultant doc that I have no problem smelling when he queried, after stating that the part of my brain that got hurt was right above my nose...
Still remember my wondering of why the revolving liquid air freshener in my hubby's car didn't emit any smell...
But I don't wonder when I got into his car and didn't smell any thinner or weird smell - which was quite typical of his profession ;)
And certainly never question if the current haze-infested environment carries with it smell of burnt or soot, whatever you wanna call that.
Once, I caught myself walking near those 'walking chimneys' (aka. smokers) just to see if I can smell their cigarettes. No, I couldn't. And quite silly, actually. Just b'cos I can't smell it doesn't mean my lung will also reject their toxic, yea? Have stopped doing that since. Would rather do other kinds of tests... Like smell the coffee I make for my hubby every morning? Sounds good...
Still, I thank God that more of the time, I am blessed that I can't smell - for now - cos I have 'escaped' more of the bad smell than miss out on good ones... Nowadays, I put on perfume for the sake of others, no longer myself...
Despite of all these, my BIG THANKSGIVING to God is: He watches over me. One day during my MC period, I was boiling some tonic in the kitchen whilst at the same time surfing the net in my room. Was quite shocked when I return to the kitchen to discover that there were no flames at all though the gas switch was on! Must be the wind (I stay near the sea) and the window I left opened unknowingly (and quite unusally whenever I cook). Thank God for His protection, cos I definitely never smell a rat or anything unusual...
For now, I just gotta remind myself to fix my mind on the good report (from ABOVE!). The British doc told me some may regain their sense of smell while some may not; a friend's nerologist said it will come back; the chinese doc said it will come back too. Well, majority said yes and I should be comforted. Sometimes, being a persimist weights me down but I'm just gonna put my confidence in what God says - that I am whole and well. He has already completed the work - exchanged His health and wholeness for sickness and pain at the calvary.
Amen to that. I received.
Monday, October 23, 2006
Saturday, October 07, 2006
Ward 10A, Bed 28
Would think that most of you have guessed it right... Ward 10A, Bed 28 was my address for some recent past 3 days. Am glad to be out breathing fresh air.. even though lately the skies have been infested with the Indo haze... Anyway, I have not been able to smell anything though it was said that the breeze at times smelt of burnt.
The Big Question: What Happen?
Brain contulsion. That was my diagnosis. I actually went on with daily life without knowing that I have been suffering from a 'bruise' in my frontal brain.
No wonder the headaches were especially bad and so persistent...
No wonder I have dizziness for so long...
No wonder my appetite is lacking... and sometimes felt nauseous
No wonder food tasted so bland...
No wonder I feel tired so easily... and struggle to function at my optimum at work...
Just don't feel myself so finally decided to see a doc - again, and doc referred me do a brain scan...
The polyclinic doc I saw during the first time gave me painkillers and some anti-nauseous medicine, despite of the account I have related to him. I guess he, like most people, thought mine were the typical after-effects of hangover. Initially, I thought so too, but just couldn't quite swallow the bit that I am so lousy, given that I have down more potent stuff previously and never got drunk. Anyway, for the record, I ain't a regular drinker. It was a colleague's farewell that my boss (who is close to his 50s but I guess, young at heart!) suggested going to MOS (not the Japanese chain Mos burger but nightspot Ministry Of Sound). I was not very for the venue, though I don't mind going to the zhi-chai dinner run by the other colleague's parents. Nevertheless, I was a little curious about the place on why the hype over it and also the part abt music which is my love. My other half was not keen at all for me to go, regardless of whether he comes along. Waste of money - that's his primary reason. Ok, so I decided not to go and told my boss. He understood though I could sense his disappointment, as another colleague also 'back out'. When the day comes however, my other half called up to say he can't meet me due to some urgent work; he asked me to "find my own programme". Means what? Out of some pressure from colleagues and my curiosity, I went along, since the time he finish work will coincide with the time I leave.
Did have some good time with the games we played while waiting for others to hit the dance floor. Other than that, there was nothing fantastic actually. Good concept they have but music wise... at least for the 'room' I was in, it was no good. How on earth will pple be enticed to dance with such music? Had some alcoholic drinks, danced for little bit, then left earlier with another colleague. Both of us were kinda just patronizing our boss and senior colleagues, you see... good to give face lor... We don't seem to have very valid reason unlike the colleague who opt out.
I took a 10 min walk to the nearest MRT station and took the train to the specified MRT where my other half would pick me up as agreed at the taxi stand. I didn't see him at the taxi stand though.
........
The next thing I know, I awakened on my bed, feeling the hurts at the back of my head. There were 3 bumps! Should be blue-blacks.. Wonder why?! And very bad headaches, can be said the worst I ever experience. Then I suddenly remember that I FORGOT to take out my contact lenses! I SLEPT WITH MY LENSES ON!!! Still blurring, I arose and walked to the toilet, only to find that my lenses have been well kept in its places. Hmm... I asked my hubby. He took out my lenses for me? Unthinkable! No, he didn't; Some of the things he told me was truly incredulous... I took my lenses out myself? I changed into my sleep wear myself? I kept asking him the same qn over and over again? And this I did, that I did? How come I don't recall? Thought it was quite funny eventually. Must be the hangover. Wished there is some sort of video where I could see how he carried me from the ground back to home and what happen after that. I learnt later that he didn't carry me; he woked me up and I walked back to his car - which I certainly don't recall. A bit scary, come to think of that... Just quietly give thanks that God's protection was over me and it was my hubby who found me lying on the ground, unconscious, not anyone else...
My Blood Pressure
It's strange that there wasn't any warning signals before my collapse that night. My blood pressure level tends towards to low side but have never shown its ugly head to such an extent. The last time it was really bad was when I exercised too vigoriously when I haven't been exercising consistently prior to that. The boxercise trainer did the standard warm up and cool down but it wasn't sufficient for me, taking into consideration the intensity. As the punches and kicks slowed down, I felt my muscles numbing, head blacking out and more discomfort. Never felt that way since a long, long time ago. Tk God that came on during the cooling down period and the exercise came to a stop then. I felt so terrible that I stooped, then eventually sat down before recovering in 5 min. Was not even able to response to a friend who came by to talk. Almost felt bad for being somewhat rude. That friend didn't follow up either.
ê Day i don on ê Green Robe
The 2nd doc I went to referred me to the NeuroScience Department in one of the hospitals. I was not quite expecting that I would need to go to A&E and even be warded! It appeared that appointments were tight and the clinic assistant saw that I needed attention earlier that she referred me to A&E (my head was stealing some rest from the pillar when I answered her that I injured my head).
Was still not ready to be warded as I felt it was too exaggerating! I'm here for a scan only! The attending doc recommended me to ward as the descriptions of some of my bodily experiences were alarm symptoms. If I opt to be outpatient and return on the next available date, I need to sign some indemnity. And the next available date could be as late as 2 wks later!!
Ok, might as well get it done once and for all. After all, I was assured that the doc will assess me the same evening and so on.
I felt real strange semi-lying on a hospital bed while the doc typed in my details into his PC. Felt even stranger when the bed I was on was later being pushed by another staff from behind. I am really in hospital! Later, I had my first taste of having a needle poked into my vein. And that thing stayed there for the next 3 days. Eeek....
As I was being assured of a bed place (in that populated hospital) and being pushed to my ward, I felt as though I was in one of those dramas... In A&E, pple really tend to walk faster as well.
After i was being 'parked' at my ward and bed, another nurse placed the green pajamas patients are to wear on my bed end. I changed into it - after 2 hrs + after reconfirming with the nurse that I really need to wear that. ok, perhaps it still haven't sink in yet into me then... I know I can't escape, since probably no docs in their right minds will administer scans for anyone in civilian wear.
The ScanS... and Tests..
It was not 1 scan but 3 scans I went thru. Quite an experience... CT, MRI, EEG - now not only I know from the textbook I used to study but have also acquired practical knowledge... in some sense... Was quite worried abt the expenses that could arise from the scans initially. The 'lightening up' (jardon used by doc) was at the frontal lobe of my brain, right above my nose, though it was the back of my head that hit the ground. The doc went on to do another test the next day and it was really, really gruelling... My face almost wrinked as I typed this... Lumbar Puncture - extraction of brain fluid from my spine. Terrifying, right??! The first doc gave up on me after a few attempts; said I was too tense. I say she was too rough and hard on my spine! of course, i didn't verbalise it. She called for another doc and he was more assuring and affirmative. Did it. My first time experiencing how GA felt like.. And the next worse thing was that I gotta lie flat on my back for the next 6 hours. Gosh!! I have never watch TV for so long continually until that day. Can't sleep too as I tend to turn and toss. I received compassion from some nursing assistants, of which some say 4 hrs is good enough, some say have to die die fulfill 6 hrs...
Feels like ER
For those who watch the english drama ER, a scene where docs and nurses talked among themselves quickly and excitedly as they worked on the patient in the operating theatre was common. It happened exactly after my LP was done. I heard sayings like "This is the first in Singapore..."; "Let's send it down before 3..."; "...gotta spin it round", etc. I asked what was all that abt and even if "first in Singapore" means I am some sort of guinea pig?? NO, no, the doc reassured. It was just a new and the first in Singapore high-tech machine the hospital purchased and my sample would be the first to be tested; it's more accurate than the naked eye's observation, as done in the past. *whew* ok, that don't sounds so bad...
Thanksgiving
Though a hospital stay is less than desired, I certainly thank God for the visits and care shown by many during this period, however short it may be. On top of his usual role as my driver, my hubby became delivery man as well, bringing me stuff I requested for nightly. Most family members have shown assuring support as well. Even remote church members also came visiting (i call that remote as these friends are not from my church, neither the former church I attended).
And of course the FREE upgrade! I opted for the lower end ward as it is within govt subsidy. However, due to lack of beds there, I was given upgrade to a higher ward which includes TV and aircon!! That's a savings of $100~ per day! And the 'space' I occupied was the only spot that has a window in the room, which was actually quite breathtaking... Tk God for such loving care He shown me.
Interesting sms
From my 10 over year good friend -> "how long is your 'holiday' there?"
From a mutual jovial friend my hubby and I know -> "what happen 2 u? is it (my hubby's name) knock yr head against wall?"
From a young friend whom I have emailed before hospitalisation abt my intention to perm my hair -> "ok.. i will pray for u.. what happen? i only heard tat u wan to do something to ur hair.. how come end up, u injure ur head/brain..? it mus be a long story, rite..."
From a colleague who learnt of my LP ordeal and how it was carried out -> "Aiyo, sound scary. Pls take care n rest well."
From my hubby, in response to my remarks abt the less than desired sounds made by 'Darth Vader' neighbour patient when I was having meals -> "remove her mask and she will no longer make any noise." (btw, the term 'Darth Vader' was coined by my bro to describe that patient's breathing and sometimes phlegm sounds; none of my doings)
Of course, there were some other touching and heartwarming smses as well. My tks and heartfelt appreciation to all of you who have prayed for me, visited me, called me, and bought stuff for me, yes, even crackers and tihbits!
Will need to go for a review scan and consultation in the coming mths. Meanwhile, now that I am discharged and resting at home for a while, I just wanna believe that these persistent dizzyness, appetite lack, food bland taste, proneness to fatigue and headache will go away completely and sooner than the few mths it takes for the affected part of my brain to recover. Supposed to be a few mths. Hmm... and certainly hope my sense of smell can return. Moving on, I'll just have to gradually start my regular cardio workout in order to improve my blood pressure level. And ha.. certainly not take alcoholic drinks as freely as I used to in the past.
The Big Question: What Happen?
Brain contulsion. That was my diagnosis. I actually went on with daily life without knowing that I have been suffering from a 'bruise' in my frontal brain.
No wonder the headaches were especially bad and so persistent...
No wonder I have dizziness for so long...
No wonder my appetite is lacking... and sometimes felt nauseous
No wonder food tasted so bland...
No wonder I feel tired so easily... and struggle to function at my optimum at work...
Just don't feel myself so finally decided to see a doc - again, and doc referred me do a brain scan...
The polyclinic doc I saw during the first time gave me painkillers and some anti-nauseous medicine, despite of the account I have related to him. I guess he, like most people, thought mine were the typical after-effects of hangover. Initially, I thought so too, but just couldn't quite swallow the bit that I am so lousy, given that I have down more potent stuff previously and never got drunk. Anyway, for the record, I ain't a regular drinker. It was a colleague's farewell that my boss (who is close to his 50s but I guess, young at heart!) suggested going to MOS (not the Japanese chain Mos burger but nightspot Ministry Of Sound). I was not very for the venue, though I don't mind going to the zhi-chai dinner run by the other colleague's parents. Nevertheless, I was a little curious about the place on why the hype over it and also the part abt music which is my love. My other half was not keen at all for me to go, regardless of whether he comes along. Waste of money - that's his primary reason. Ok, so I decided not to go and told my boss. He understood though I could sense his disappointment, as another colleague also 'back out'. When the day comes however, my other half called up to say he can't meet me due to some urgent work; he asked me to "find my own programme". Means what? Out of some pressure from colleagues and my curiosity, I went along, since the time he finish work will coincide with the time I leave.
Did have some good time with the games we played while waiting for others to hit the dance floor. Other than that, there was nothing fantastic actually. Good concept they have but music wise... at least for the 'room' I was in, it was no good. How on earth will pple be enticed to dance with such music? Had some alcoholic drinks, danced for little bit, then left earlier with another colleague. Both of us were kinda just patronizing our boss and senior colleagues, you see... good to give face lor... We don't seem to have very valid reason unlike the colleague who opt out.
I took a 10 min walk to the nearest MRT station and took the train to the specified MRT where my other half would pick me up as agreed at the taxi stand. I didn't see him at the taxi stand though.
........
The next thing I know, I awakened on my bed, feeling the hurts at the back of my head. There were 3 bumps! Should be blue-blacks.. Wonder why?! And very bad headaches, can be said the worst I ever experience. Then I suddenly remember that I FORGOT to take out my contact lenses! I SLEPT WITH MY LENSES ON!!! Still blurring, I arose and walked to the toilet, only to find that my lenses have been well kept in its places. Hmm... I asked my hubby. He took out my lenses for me? Unthinkable! No, he didn't; Some of the things he told me was truly incredulous... I took my lenses out myself? I changed into my sleep wear myself? I kept asking him the same qn over and over again? And this I did, that I did? How come I don't recall? Thought it was quite funny eventually. Must be the hangover. Wished there is some sort of video where I could see how he carried me from the ground back to home and what happen after that. I learnt later that he didn't carry me; he woked me up and I walked back to his car - which I certainly don't recall. A bit scary, come to think of that... Just quietly give thanks that God's protection was over me and it was my hubby who found me lying on the ground, unconscious, not anyone else...
My Blood Pressure
It's strange that there wasn't any warning signals before my collapse that night. My blood pressure level tends towards to low side but have never shown its ugly head to such an extent. The last time it was really bad was when I exercised too vigoriously when I haven't been exercising consistently prior to that. The boxercise trainer did the standard warm up and cool down but it wasn't sufficient for me, taking into consideration the intensity. As the punches and kicks slowed down, I felt my muscles numbing, head blacking out and more discomfort. Never felt that way since a long, long time ago. Tk God that came on during the cooling down period and the exercise came to a stop then. I felt so terrible that I stooped, then eventually sat down before recovering in 5 min. Was not even able to response to a friend who came by to talk. Almost felt bad for being somewhat rude. That friend didn't follow up either.
ê Day i don on ê Green Robe
The 2nd doc I went to referred me to the NeuroScience Department in one of the hospitals. I was not quite expecting that I would need to go to A&E and even be warded! It appeared that appointments were tight and the clinic assistant saw that I needed attention earlier that she referred me to A&E (my head was stealing some rest from the pillar when I answered her that I injured my head).
Was still not ready to be warded as I felt it was too exaggerating! I'm here for a scan only! The attending doc recommended me to ward as the descriptions of some of my bodily experiences were alarm symptoms. If I opt to be outpatient and return on the next available date, I need to sign some indemnity. And the next available date could be as late as 2 wks later!!
Ok, might as well get it done once and for all. After all, I was assured that the doc will assess me the same evening and so on.
I felt real strange semi-lying on a hospital bed while the doc typed in my details into his PC. Felt even stranger when the bed I was on was later being pushed by another staff from behind. I am really in hospital! Later, I had my first taste of having a needle poked into my vein. And that thing stayed there for the next 3 days. Eeek....
As I was being assured of a bed place (in that populated hospital) and being pushed to my ward, I felt as though I was in one of those dramas... In A&E, pple really tend to walk faster as well.
After i was being 'parked' at my ward and bed, another nurse placed the green pajamas patients are to wear on my bed end. I changed into it - after 2 hrs + after reconfirming with the nurse that I really need to wear that. ok, perhaps it still haven't sink in yet into me then... I know I can't escape, since probably no docs in their right minds will administer scans for anyone in civilian wear.
The ScanS... and Tests..
It was not 1 scan but 3 scans I went thru. Quite an experience... CT, MRI, EEG - now not only I know from the textbook I used to study but have also acquired practical knowledge... in some sense... Was quite worried abt the expenses that could arise from the scans initially. The 'lightening up' (jardon used by doc) was at the frontal lobe of my brain, right above my nose, though it was the back of my head that hit the ground. The doc went on to do another test the next day and it was really, really gruelling... My face almost wrinked as I typed this... Lumbar Puncture - extraction of brain fluid from my spine. Terrifying, right??! The first doc gave up on me after a few attempts; said I was too tense. I say she was too rough and hard on my spine! of course, i didn't verbalise it. She called for another doc and he was more assuring and affirmative. Did it. My first time experiencing how GA felt like.. And the next worse thing was that I gotta lie flat on my back for the next 6 hours. Gosh!! I have never watch TV for so long continually until that day. Can't sleep too as I tend to turn and toss. I received compassion from some nursing assistants, of which some say 4 hrs is good enough, some say have to die die fulfill 6 hrs...
Feels like ER
For those who watch the english drama ER, a scene where docs and nurses talked among themselves quickly and excitedly as they worked on the patient in the operating theatre was common. It happened exactly after my LP was done. I heard sayings like "This is the first in Singapore..."; "Let's send it down before 3..."; "...gotta spin it round", etc. I asked what was all that abt and even if "first in Singapore" means I am some sort of guinea pig?? NO, no, the doc reassured. It was just a new and the first in Singapore high-tech machine the hospital purchased and my sample would be the first to be tested; it's more accurate than the naked eye's observation, as done in the past. *whew* ok, that don't sounds so bad...
Thanksgiving
Though a hospital stay is less than desired, I certainly thank God for the visits and care shown by many during this period, however short it may be. On top of his usual role as my driver, my hubby became delivery man as well, bringing me stuff I requested for nightly. Most family members have shown assuring support as well. Even remote church members also came visiting (i call that remote as these friends are not from my church, neither the former church I attended).
And of course the FREE upgrade! I opted for the lower end ward as it is within govt subsidy. However, due to lack of beds there, I was given upgrade to a higher ward which includes TV and aircon!! That's a savings of $100~ per day! And the 'space' I occupied was the only spot that has a window in the room, which was actually quite breathtaking... Tk God for such loving care He shown me.
Interesting sms
From my 10 over year good friend -> "how long is your 'holiday' there?"
From a mutual jovial friend my hubby and I know -> "what happen 2 u? is it (my hubby's name) knock yr head against wall?"
From a young friend whom I have emailed before hospitalisation abt my intention to perm my hair -> "ok.. i will pray for u.. what happen? i only heard tat u wan to do something to ur hair.. how come end up, u injure ur head/brain..? it mus be a long story, rite..."
From a colleague who learnt of my LP ordeal and how it was carried out -> "Aiyo, sound scary. Pls take care n rest well."
From my hubby, in response to my remarks abt the less than desired sounds made by 'Darth Vader' neighbour patient when I was having meals -> "remove her mask and she will no longer make any noise." (btw, the term 'Darth Vader' was coined by my bro to describe that patient's breathing and sometimes phlegm sounds; none of my doings)
Of course, there were some other touching and heartwarming smses as well. My tks and heartfelt appreciation to all of you who have prayed for me, visited me, called me, and bought stuff for me, yes, even crackers and tihbits!
Will need to go for a review scan and consultation in the coming mths. Meanwhile, now that I am discharged and resting at home for a while, I just wanna believe that these persistent dizzyness, appetite lack, food bland taste, proneness to fatigue and headache will go away completely and sooner than the few mths it takes for the affected part of my brain to recover. Supposed to be a few mths. Hmm... and certainly hope my sense of smell can return. Moving on, I'll just have to gradually start my regular cardio workout in order to improve my blood pressure level. And ha.. certainly not take alcoholic drinks as freely as I used to in the past.
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